Template:Thoughts

20:42, August 1, 2017 (UTC) 48kg -2kg!!!!
 * i think this is because i'm too much of a perfectionist.
 * i just really need to be perfect? i just
 * i can't deal with being too fat, or too ugly, or too inferior
 * i'm scared to lose weight
 * i'm scared to gain weight
 * i'm scared people will judge me
 * i'm scared to bring it up
 * i'm scared i'm scared i'm scared
 * i'm scared because i didn't eat today
 * i'm scared to eat
 * i'm scared because ana's happy
 * i'm scared to make ana angry
 * i can't separate myself from ana
 * ana = trouble
 * i = ana
 * i = trouble
 * everything i do is wrong
 * look at everything with chase and catty and omnia
 * i thought i was doing something good?
 * i thought people would be happy + enjoy it
 * i understand questions
 * i like answering questions because it helps clear things up
 * but i didn't answer fast enough?
 * if i'd just woken up earlier then none of this would have happened
 * because i didn't answer fast enough everyone thinks i'm horrible
 * rude
 * can't take people questioning me
 * i'm such a bitch
 * why do my friends even talk to me?
 * i don't deserve people like them
 * vic defended me!
 * but i'm the one at fault though
 * she shouldn't have hurt her relationship with chase and catty and omnia for my mistake
 * god i can't seem to do anything right
 * i'm so scared to do anything wrong
 * i really don't want to do anything wrong
 * i ruin everything
 * why can't i be like everyone else?
 * red's so nice
 * soey's so confident
 * ellie's so talented
 * i'm just
 * the one who ruins everything
 * i want to continue with everything
 * but i just can't
 * it's too overwhelming
 * what if i do something else wrong
 * why can't anyone see i'm like this?
 * maybe they all talk about me behind my back
 * she's so annoying
 * she can't code
 * she thinks she's so great
 * i feel like
 * i'm drowning
 * or i'm in a glass prison
 * everyone can see me struggling
 * but they just ignore me
 * maybe i'm just being dramatic
 * i'm not thin enough to be upset
 * i don't deserve it
 * i told them i'm recovering but i'm not sure recovery exists
 * part of me knows i may as well start trying more now
 * but ana says unless something happens to me i shouldn't try
 * because we don't know for sure that i can't not eat for years
 * ever since i came back i've just been feeling worse and worse
 * it's not even that someone's being horrible it's the little things
 * getting ignored in main chat
 * getting ignored in pm
 * nobody wanting to rp with me but saying yes to the next person who asks
 * i can't trust myself and i hate it
 * if i say something bad about myself everyone says "that's anorexia talking"
 * but it's not her it's me talking